An Udaipur Engagement

10 April 2013

Udaipur, a special spot

The state of Rajasthan is one of the highlights of India. It is located in the west of India and incorporates lakes and deserts and brushes the Pakistani border. The meaning of the word Rajasthan itself is Land Of The Kings, and its clear that Maharajas of yesteryear and modern times preferred to live here in palaces and forts, and built in accordance, rather than hang about the slums of other parts of the country. Mind you, I suppose if one of the Royals had a strong desire to hang out in some filth then there may well be more castles down the dusty backstreets of Chennai.

Cows, or motorbikes, for rent

Our first stop was Udaipur, seen by many as the jewel in the Rajasthan crown. This pretty place is dotted with ultra romantic palaces around pretty blue mostly rubbish free lakes. The old town is a maze of tangled alleyways and silversmith bazaars, with rooftop cafes and restaurants offering delicious food and cold drinks while you imbibe in the incense wafting from the stalls below. It is a walled city, home to the City Palace, a magnificent fort in the centre of town, which used to house armies and battalions of lore, and now simply serves as a tourist site with some of the most majestic views in India. Udaipur is also heavy on the cows, the street rubbish eating types who serve no other purpose but to get in the way of everything. I feel they would be of better use and happier if they were grazing in a meadow or on my plate covered in green peppercorn sauce. Traffic reports in India must be judged and based on the amount of cows on the road, so it’s important to know this before setting out on a planned journey.

The cats resented the vodka shots the night before

We found a four-dollar a night pad by the Ghats, which is the tiered area on a lake where the locals do their laundry and usually bathe themselves too. Often at the same time to save some minutes.  It was good value as the room was quite big and the bed had an actual mattress, rather than just a miniscule layer of foam about as comfortable as lying on a slice of cheese on a cracker. But some of the staff consisted of the all too common leery men for which India has the unfortunate reputation of possessing. The staring, unabashed type who need some urgent lessons in the gallantry that is respect for women. Kylie often feels uncomfortable here with all the stares and I have taken to making eye contact and finger pointing with the lads to introduce them to the starting points. I think a giant fly swatter might be better. An electric one.

Udaipur is also famous for clothes, and Kylie had some pretty fancy dresses hand made at a fraction of the usual cost, but I declined the offer of having a suit made for 1000 rupees (approx. $16). I’m not sure the threads will be anything other than a shirt made of kitchen tidy bags. Great for when it rains at the footy though.

Heading further west, we reached Jodhpur, also known as the Blue City. Over the years, residents have painted their houses all shades of the sky and sea, and it makes for striking sights when standing atop the mega impressive and awesome fort which rules over this otherwise boring, smelly as dog-shit town. Seriously, it is magnificent, and was such a relief to discover and explore this magnificent fort and meander along its walls and ramparts and peer mightily over the city below. From up here it was easy to ignore the scenes of sewage leaking into the streets below, being licked up by stray dogs.

The Smurfs lived a pleasant life

Tetris, fun for all

From the Blue City we travelled by bus to Jaisalmer, further west close to the Pakistan border, and in the middle of the desert. It is a tiny place, but unique in the world that in the middle of nowhere, like an inviting oasis, stands a towering sandcastle like structure, being the fort. A massive, protecting sandstone ring of walls around the city, and within it, peaceful, cobbled medieval laneways, from where the incessantly honking rickshaw drivers are banned; this is an absolute God-send; but unfortunately the travel touts and 6 for 100 rupee anklet bell girls are still hanging about.  But it truly is an intriguing place.

The starving sand swallowed the camel whole

Hey there, so, um , whats up?

The idiot tourist was unable to try on the shirts properly

Desert Safari’s are the thing to get onto here. For a rather overpriced amount, you can be driven to some sand dunes out in the middle of the desert. These dunes are impressive for India but having come from the mighty sandy landscapes of Peru and Egypt on this trip, its almost like making a mountain out of the sand stuck in your bum crack after a lazy day at the beach. But, we found our way over them, by camel. Most of the humpers were scratching like lepers; they had been suffering some skin disease or some sand tic that required them to balance on three legs whilst they relieved themselves with the spare. Staying put on one was not so easy. After a delicious and substantial meal under the stars illuminating the desert sky, we headed back to town to a comfy bed while a few others toughed it out in the sand with the itchy camels.

The bully would never kick down this sandcastle

It was a big night out for pride dog.

Back in town, we discovered the Bhang Lassi shop, which is quite famous in Jaisalmer. The Bhang Lassi is a yoghurt and fruit drink laced with excessive amounts of wacky weed. Its perfectly legal but as we were moving on early the next day, we decided not to try and instead watched the stoners with skateboards float in and out of the shop. It’s really cheap, I’ve heard.

Bhang Lassis. Results are obvious in 7-10 days

Metalwork school 101

We really weren’t sure where to next. We didn’t actually plan on going to Jaisalmer in the first place. A man from Jaisalmer that ran our guesthouse in Jodhpur said it was an awesome place, because he was from Jaisalmer. So we took his advice and a bus and drifted into the sand. After the desert, we had planned to visit Jaipur, the capital of Rajasthan and known as the Pink City, with yet another fort, but the man from Jaisalmer we met in Jodhpur who told us to go to Jaisalmer also said that Jaipur was ugly and to just spend time in Jaisalmer instead. So we took more of his advice and bypassed Jaipur, although our train ended up there, and after another excellent overnight trip we took the 6am connection to Agra.

People come to Agra for one reason, and that’s for the national monument and symbol of India (which is not a cow, a villager shitting in the creek or a honking madman in a rickshaw), but the Taj Mahal. Everyone on the planet knows what it looks like. It’s as iconic as the Statue of Liberty or Eiffel Tower, and it stands proudly as an ode to love, in the centre of Agra. The cool thing about Agra city is that it is home to dozens of really good restaurants and guesthouses that have the most amazing and immaculate views from their rooftops, where one can while the time away gazing into the spectacular domed, marble creation that is the Taj Mahal. The white marble actually changes colour with the sun and full moon, alternating from a hue of red or misty pink to a pale blue in the moonlight. Up close, in the Taj gardens itself, its even more impressive. After paying the entry fee that’s twenty-five more times the price for a foreigner over Indians, you shuffle beneath an archway and into sight immediately comes the Taj. A narrow waterway (currently empty for maintenance) leads to the mausoleum entrance, where you mingle past the forty billion other people there and admire the echoing hallways. Then you sit and stare like an Indian man. All very impressive indeed.

Agra isn’t a bad place to spend a few days. Apart from the famous Taj, there is an amazing fort and some ancient monuments, and the city can also lay claim to having the most annoying touts in India. How many times do you have to say, “I don’t want a fucking rickshaw” before they realise that you don’t want a fucking rickshaw?

Sir, you want rickshaw?

Oh, and something happened in Udaipur.

I found a man with a motorbike who drove me to a man with fancy rings for sale. At this time Kylie was led to believe I went shopping for chocolate or some lime soda which I have become addicted to. We rode on bridges past cows and one giant elephant with blue face paint. I found a sparkly sapphire ringy thing and put it in my pocket and came back to my girlfriend who believed my story that I ate the chocolate and poured the lime soda over a cow, and on the third afternoon of our stay, we shifted to a five star palace resort with comfy pillows and toilet paper, overlooking the lake, in a serenely quiet part of town.

It was Good Friday so we had the obligatory fish and chips washed down with mocktails that resembled a glass of make-up. As the sun made its way into the water I disappeared downstairs with another excuse that was barely solid; I think this time I said I was going to find a newspaper comic section to catch up on the latest crazy Calvin and Hobbes situation. Its not easy to make silly excuses, as we spend all our time together and there is no reason for us to ever be apart during the days so it is odd if I ever go for sneaky leaves of absence. I phoned the room and asked Kylie to meet me in the bar by the lobby. I’m sure she was onto me by now.

I took her hand and walked out into the car park, ignoring offers of rickshaw rides on best price tours around the city. I found a sandstone bandstand alone under an oak tree in the corner of a lush green manicured lawn, with a perfect view of the setting sun carving the hills and the lake. Interested birds looked down with curiosity and hungry squirrels scampered over the wall. A man in a nice waistcoat strolled over and gave us some wine, and eventually moved on back to the palace. He was relieved as he thought I required him to spend the whole night with us. My eyes met my loves, and I gave her that ring that was in my pocket that the man with the motorbike took me to get.

We are getting married.