12 de Agosto
We are in the middle of the earth.
Quito, Ecuador, is located only a few degrees shy of the
Equator, but today we took a bus north to true zero.
For a few minutes or so, we kind of didn’t exist. We didn’t
belong to either the northern or southern hemisphere. You stand on the exact line of the Equator, 0
degrees latitude.
 |
| Quito nightlife |
 |
| Boiling an egg in Ecaudor is not done using traditional methods |
 |
| The Guinea pigs made a tasty smack after a day of sightseeing. Even tastier with rockets up their bums |
The main point in town is Mitad del Mundo, or Middle of the
World. The monument is actually about 300m, so bugger all in degrees terms,
from the true Equator. Most tourists go here, and get the obligatory foot in
one hemisphere photo, but they don’t realise that they are still in the
southern hemisphere. So you walk up a dusty road to what looks like someone’s
cactus garden with drunken looking locals lying about the front yard. For $4, you
pay a guide to show you around and perform crazy experiments that prove the
coolness and validity of the imaginary line. Let me explain;
1 Water Experiment, or the Coriolis Theorem.
I thought this was a disease, but to
explain what it is, take your laptop or I phone into the toilet. Now flush
it. Not the electronics. Just the water.
Poo is optional. In the southern hemisphere (Australia, Argentina, and that
made up place called New Zealand or something) the water and optional contents
will disappear clockwise. In the northern hemisphere, this will flush counter
clockwise, so Ireland and USA, check this out. If you are in Egypt where you
shit in the Nile, just imagine things. Now if you flush a toilet right on the
Equator, the water will run straight down the hole. Try this experiment with a
sink and running water. Please don’t pee in the sinks unless you are a bogan
Australian at a horse racing carnival and you have had a dozen cans of export.
2 The Sobriety Test.
If you have ever been unlucky to be pulled over
by a policeman and asked to perform a roadside sobriety test, where you walk
along a line, arms out and eyes closed, then this is for you. Sober, this is
easy. One foot in front of the other, arms out, eyes closed. Now right on the
Equator, at 0 degrees remember, this is impossible and you will lose your
licence immediately and your car will be impounded. It seems the north is
fighting south for your attention, and sooner or later, usually after four
steps, you will sway, and likely, fall. But, only a smidgen of a degree away
from the line, no problem at all. Oddly enough, most participants fall to north
 |
| Quito hairdressers are best avoided |
 |
| Once the football teams end of season trip photos hit Facebook, clubs would have to apologise |
 |
| The lollipop lady always thought of the children's safety, even on the Equator |
 |
Wrestling.
Find the skinniest, weakest person you know.
Make a ball with two clenched fists and hold them at arms lengths in front of
you. Now ask Bones to press down on your arms, you will find they will struggle
to make an impact and will probably give up soon enough and return to their
chess game or physics homework. Now on the Equator, you will look like the
weakling as El Nerdo embarrasses you with his pseudo strength and basks in the
glory of his superiority, until you return to your preferred hemisphere and
beat him to a pulp.
Eggs, scrambled?
 |
| Kylie tried to blame it on the Equator, but she was spotted in the Tequila bar minutes before |
 |
| The Guinea pigs were very cute before they were barbecued |
The site of the true Equator is actually on indigenous
lands, and has some weird and brutal history. Firstly, these were the guys that
knew that this exact point was Zero. Using equinoxes and sundials, they were
pretty smart. They also used to chop the heads off enemies, boil them, fill
them with sand and fruits, a kind of middle age embalming process, and shrink
them in the sun, stick some rope through their festering ears, and wear them as
a cool necklace. These are now for sale at the local craft markets.
The locals also used the bury their women alive if the
husband died, in the belief that one cant live without the other, so the women
should rot in a sandy grave.
Not a bad option, if your missus wont let you watch the
footy or have another can, then just fake your own death, and problem sorted.
She wasn’t alone in
the grave though, they used to bury her in a basket with her worldly possessions
and trinkets Probably also a good time to throw in the washing and ironing as
well.
The tribes still exist, and actually build houses and huts
right on zero degrees. They also attend local parties in traditional costumes,
which is a necklace made of the heads of beheaded shrunken animals, and a
reverse G string, which for men, actually holds the penis up to his
bellybutton. Going to the toilet is very difficult, but luckily they don’t wear
t-shirts.
Quito is a city high in the Andes, population of approx. two
million. It’s the oldest city in South America, and contains some mighty fine
churches. But they are not easily photographed, for fear of having your camera
robbed while taking a snap, such is its reputation.
The nightlife here is excellent though. There are as many
bars, perhaps to rival Dublin, and loads of the cosy hole in the wall bars, to
rival Lisbon or Melbourne, but with lives salsa bands. Taxi is the main way to
get around, and all hotel owners recommend this as the only sure safe way. It’s
not incredibly heartening when a hostel owner wishes you luck when you leave
for the day, and asks for your next of kins contact details to forward gear.
We have been staying in hostels on our journey, but we did
have one night at a 4-5 star joint, right in the centre of town, and enjoyed
steaming hot showers, clean sheets, lack of other traveller noise and the
reduced risk of bathroom borne diseases. It as like a holiday away from a
holiday and was much appreciated. But now it’s back to basics, starting tonight
with a trip to the Amazon rainforest.
There is a huge craft market outside of town, in Otavalo. It’s
where you can buy clothes, souvenirs, bits and bobs, and hats. I did buy a
Panama hat, which are actually Ecuadorian, despite the name. Kylie picked up a cosy
scarf, for prices much less that elsewhere. The road to the market is an eye
opener, and included locals chasing pigs around a bus stop, guinea pig restaurants
on the side of the road, and a massive wedding, which was held, inside a panel
beaters shops. The bride actually walked up the aisle, which was decorated with
mufflers rims and was whisked away to her honeymoon on a trolley jack. Only in
Ecuador
 |
| Tasmanian family photos were very difficult to organise |
No comments:
Post a Comment